I was working on my prompt for this week's 52 List (roadblocks to my happiness), and it made me pause and think about a question that we received during our live stream on Sunday. Someone asked if we ever get annoyed with...Read More
A new study has been published recently that essentially says that if a pregnant women falls asleep on her back in the third trimester, the risk of delivering a stillborn baby doubles. The study also says "What we don’t want is for moms to wake up and see their on their back and think, 'I’ve done something terrible to my baby.'" But I don't think the researchers...Read More
In some ways, the end of this project, the end of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, and Carter's first birthday feel like the end of a chapter. You know that Brandon and I will never forget Carter, but with each passing day, it gets easier to live with the pain, and I know that after his birthday, life will still continue to move forward...Read More
I wanted to use this prompt to reflect on this project. It was not as easy as I thought it would be. Mostly, there were a lot of days where I didn't want to be sad, days that I didn't want to wallow in my grief and dig deep to feel things I wasn't quite up to feeling that day. I wrote a lot of these posts on the same day, then scheduled them out accordingly. It probably took me...Read More
My previous tribe circle posts have been about the children we've had and the medical staff we love. As we come to the end of the Capture Your Grief project, I want to devote this last tribe circle post to our children that have yet to come to us...Read More
Today is our son’s first birthday.
For a first-time mother, that seems like a strange thing to say. With each passing year, our own age shows that we are getting older. That we have more experiences and more life behind us than the year before. Then we have children, and we have one more number to count our lives...Read More
Today, a year from the worst day of my life, I can still tell you that miracles exist. I don't know how I can say that, given what Brandon and I have been through, but I can. I believe it with all my heart. Bad things happen to good people. Maybe the good people don't the miracles they deserve, but I think part of that miracle is that the good people can still believe in things like...Read More
I don't have an indestructible heart.
Over the course of my life, my heart has been hurt many times, and it has taken a lot for me to make it stronger and be okay.
Last year, my heart was shattered. It cannot be repaired.
Maybe a better title for this prompt would be indestructible soul. Or maybe "how I learned to live while operating at a constant 1% of my usual gusto."
I don't have an indestructible heart. I don't even have an indestructible will to live without my babies. But I have an indestructible love for them,