52 Lists - Week 19

Last week's list asked me to list what I think my loved ones would say when asked how they would describe me. It was interesting to see the prompt, because the morning I did the list, I had been thinking about what Brandon thinks of me. I had been texting him, telling him that I appreciate him being so understanding and careful with my emotions. He responded that we have been through a lot together, which for some reason got me thinking about the way he thinks about me.

The first thing I thought of was that I hope he thinks I'm strong. I actually really hate when people tell me that I'm strong, because I feel so weak, but I hope that Brandon can see the strength it takes for me to make it through each day. If he sees me as strong, then there's no reason I can't see my own strength too.

As I finished out this list with the words I thought he would use to describe me, I found it easier than I expected, and I found myself not fighting the words that came to mind. Maybe it's because I'm 27, or maybe it is because of everything we've been through in the last two years, but I have found myself being very comfortable in my own skin. I went to Walmart the day after my birthday in leggings, a t-shirt, and no makeup, feeling like 27 might be "the year I let myself go," but I'm realizing now that I'm just comfortable, and don't feel the need to impress people. I still like to look nice and get done up, but at the end of the day, I have far more to offer than just surface level traits.

I will never be able to see myself exactly the way that Brandon does, but I am grateful for the confidence (or maybe just lack of caring haha) that I have gained in my years with him!

 

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