Guys. I know I am super slacking at blogging lately. I have had a lot of feelings that I've been taking time to work through on my own, so blogging has taken a backseat. I kind of feel like I'm at this point where I either blog about super happy things regarding our pregnancy, or I blog about other feelings that usually come from a very specific situation that I don't necessarily want to call attention to. So right now, all the feelings that usually come to the blog are getting directed in other directions. Bear with me though! It will get better, and it will change. Onto this week's list!
This last week asked me to list the people who make me feel happy. There are a lot of people that are on the list, and the challenge for this list was to think about why these people make me happy and to schedule a date with them, but I took the list for a different lesson. I struggled with depression during college, and have obviously since struggled with life in general after losing Carter. In college, I learned a very important lesson over a long period of time: I don't have to be around people or situations that make me feel uncomfortable or unhappy. That lesson was solidified after losing Carter. Some situations were just harder to be in than others, and for the sake of my own mental health, I could opt out of those if I felt like it. It might offend people, but if it did/does, then I can take comfort in knowing that those people have no idea what we're going through, and hopefully never will.
Shifting directions a little bit....Brandon was the first person on my list (as he should be, but that might not be the case for some people!). I was talking with my hairdresser today about how lucky I am to have had Brandon through the two years. Our past seven years together have been wonderful, but the last two specifically have been so hard and beautiful. I am beyond grateful for him. He is the only other person that will ever understand the loss of our three babies, and he never asks me to justify the way I'm feeling. He just is super awesome. I'll save all the sappy stuff for a different post.
I don't really know how to wrap this up, because I know I took it two different directions. But basically, it's really nice to have people that make you happy. And it's also okay to take a break from those who don't. Our mental health is more important than some social expectations, no matter what people say.
This week's list asks for things that we can control. This one will be a good one!