Capture Your Grief Day 10: A Space Re-Imagined

Putting together the nursery was so fun. We gave ourselves an unlimited budget, and made it a comfortable space where we'd want to spend time. As we were preparing for Carter, we did spend a lot of time in the nursery. We'd go in there to just hang out, or go in there to get things done, and it became very natural to spend much of our downtime in that space. 

After we lost him, his room became a safe place for me to go. A place where I could be sad or be angry, a place I could cuddle his stuffed animals and snuggle with his blankets. A place I could imagine a different sort of life than the one I was living. 

His room was supposed to be a place for him to play and sleep and grow, but instead, it became a reminder of the things we don't have. Friends that have lost babies earlier have asked if having the nursery all set up has made it harder or easier, and I have to say it has made things easier. We don't have Carter at home, but we have all of his things. There are certain clothes that will only ever be his. There are sheets and and curtains that will only ever be his. When we get to redo the nursery for another baby, we have all these things that we get to put in a box labeled "Carter," things that will always remind us of our boy.