I'm in a weird spot with my blog right now.
Right after we lost Carter, I could post about my grief, and it seemed to be understood. Maybe because there was a note of optimism at the end of every post? But now, I feel like if I post things like that, I almost worry about what the reactions will be. Maybe it's because my grief has turned from sadness to anger? Are people more uncomfortable with anger than they are sadness? Or maybe it's me that is more uncomfortable with it. I have so many things I'd like to write, but I worry that people will take the posts personally, when they really aren't. I just have a general anger toward the world sometimes, but it's never directed at a particular person.
Sometimes I sit down to blog, and feel at a complete loss. I either have too much to say, or I don't have anything to say at all. Besides growing a baby, our lives are pretty uneventful, so I have nothing else to talk about besides my feelings, that are occasionally not well received.
I don't know. This blog will morph into something else eventually, I'm sure. But at this point in my life, it's either feelings and bumpdates or nothing at all. I feel like I'm doing a disservice to myself by not writing what I truly feel, but am (and always have been) the kind of person that worries more about everyone else than I do myself.
Anyway, this has been a really rambly post. Now I'm going to go get some buffalo chicken dip and eat until I can figure out something else to write about.