Hi Little Bean: March 27 & 29, 2017

Today I would have been 19 weeks pregnant, a just a few days past halfway (for this and all future pregnancies). Time goes so fast. Also, we apparently didn't take a belly picture that week, oops.

March 27, 2017

Hi little bean! I just wanted to check in and see how you are doing. I’ve been feeling really grateful for all the pregnancy symptoms you are giving me. I am still a little nervous about being in the first trimester, but to be feeling all the things I’m feeling reassures me that you are growing healthy and strong in there! Still though, I’m looking forward to our ultrasound on Wednesday so we can see you again, and have more confirmation that you are looking good! Today I had a smoothie and a (costa vida) salad just for you. I’m trying to get you all the nutrients you need, but I know I’m not doing a very good job, so I’m sorry.

We went to Idaho Falls this weekend to visit with family. It was fun, but all these hormones I have in me right now are making me super grumpy! That’s part of what makes me think you are a girl; last time I was just happy and apologetic. This time, I hate everyone and everything haha. Although that could be from grief and hormones combined. I don’t know how great of a combination that could be, so maybe that’s what’s going on. 

Yesterday was hard, missing your brother, but I can feel your other siblings with us. I think. Obviously I would be happy no matter if you are a boy or girl, but I think it would be pretty dang cool to find out you are a girl, because that’s what I was feeling after we lost Carter. And right now, I feel like there is a boy spirit that has been given the responsibility to look out for us. A shyer, sweet little boy. And today, I feel like Carter and your sister (that I think you’re going to have, hopefully) are looking out for me. Bean, maybe I’m just crazy, but if I’m not, this has been a cool experience, getting to know all these little spirits that are a part of our family.

Stay safe, and we’ll see you on Wednesday.


March 29, 2017

Hi bean! I have to be honest, sometimes I forget you’re in there. As much as I enjoy fitting into my pants, I can’t wait until I have a belly again. I just love to look down and know my babies are with me. I know I need to start talking to you more, and reading to you or something. Maybe dad and I will take turns reading Harry Potter to you!

I can’t believe it has been three weeks since we found out about you! Time honestly has gone so slow, and I wish it would move a little faster! But your dad and I were talking this morning about how we will hit ten weeks while we are in Amsterdam, then eleven weeks the Wednesday after we get back, and we’re hoping the two weeks after that will go quickly so we can get out of this dang first trimester! We have another ultrasound today, and I’m super excited to see you again and make sure you are healthy. And I’m curious to see if our due date changes at all. If they tell us later, I will be nervous, because you really shouldn’t be any later than they’re already saying. But earlier would be nice! The earlier the due date, the earlier we get to meet you, and we’re beyond ready.

Yesterday was a hard day, little baby. I had a dentist appointment, and went to see a new dentist, but they wouldn’t do the cleaning without doing an x-ray. The hygienist came in and said that the x-ray was totally safe while pregnant, and that they would give me the lead vest for extra protection, but I told them no. I was really frustrated that they wouldn’t just clean my teeth and check for cavities, but I felt good about my decision to leave. I know they probably know what they’re talking about, and if they say the x-ray is safe then it probably is, but I didn’t want to risk anything. I’m trying to be so healthy and safe for you. We already lost your brother, I can’t lose you too.

I love you baby bean, I promise I will do whatever it takes to get you here safely.

 How far along? : Eight weeks! Getting up there!
Baby is the size of: a raspberry!
Total weight gain/loss: No idea, still. I haven’t looked at the scale in weeks.
Sleep: So good. I love sleeping. I just want to sleep all the time.
Best moment this week: It will be our ultrasound this afternoon!
Movement: None
Symptoms: I am ridiculously cranky all the time. Probably from being tired, but still. And cramping and bloating. And parts of my body are way sore!
Food cravings: Eggs. I want to eat all the over-easy eggs.
Food aversions: Nothing too bad, really. Dinner burned in the crock pot the other day, and I couldn’t help clean it up.
What I miss: Carter still. And being nice to Brandon.
What I am looking forward to: Our ultrasound today, and the next few weeks going quickly.