For the past four months, the phrase "when it rains, it pours" has been so ridiculously applicable to my life. Bad news after bad news was flung in my direction, and there wasn't much I could do except stand there and let it hit me. There were the few scares with Carter, then losing him, then not being able to get a job, and then I found out that my thyroid wasn't working properly. It was super over-active, to the point that it would affect our ability to get pregnant again until it got fixed. And like, realistically, thyroid problems are super common and very easily treatable, but at the time it was like the straw that broke the camel's back, you know? (side note: that phrase has been running through my head for the past two weeks so sorry if I sound like an old person) I left an appointment with the endocrinologist feeling so upset and discouraged. He said my thyroid looked pretty bad, and told me about what options we would have if my bloodwork came back bad.
Educational point: There are two different types of hyperthyroid disease my doctor was going to test for. Hashimoto's is the less severe of the two, and I had already for sure been diagnosed with at least that. Hashimoto's ebbs and flows, and eventually goes away on its own. Graves disease, on the other hand, does not go away on it's own. The over-production of hormone basically causes the thyroid to burn out. To prevent that, you either have to have it surgically removed, or take a radioactive iodine pill to kill part or all of the thyroid. And then you take thyroid supplements for the rest of your life.
The doctor kept asking me what I would rather do, the surgery or the iodine, and I just kept asking him what the chances were that it wasn't Graves. He didn't seem optimistic about it, so the appointment ended with me crying at the nurse about how my life is the worst . When I left his office, I was set on the iodine, because the thought of surgery terrifies me. But then, over the course of the week, I changed my mind and decided to do surgery. With the iodine, you have to kind of be in quarantine for a few days, and the thought of not being able to sleep in the same bed as Brandon, and the fear of the cats accidentally touching me, was enough to dissuade me. So all week I was pumping myself up for surgery, knowing that the results would be Graves disease, and I was just okay with it. Surgery wouldn't be great, but it would at least be fast.
Fast forward to yesterday. I had so much anxiety all day about my appointment, because I just wanted to know what the results of the labs had been. They had just gotten my results the day before, but I don't think the doctor had a chance to look over them soon enough for a nurse to call me back. Anyway. Brandon joined me at the appointment, because I was kind of freaking out, so we both sat in the room, waiting, while the doctor read over the results and didn't say a single word. I'm not kidding, he called me in, we sat, he silently read over the report for like three minutes and didn't say a word the whole time. Brandon and I just kept looking at each other like what the heck. I had been so patient (sort of) all day, and those three minutes about killed me. Finally, years later, he started talking, and it turns out that my hormone levels dropped, which means I don't have Graves!! My levels are still high, but they dropped quite a bit since the last time I'd had my blood drawn. But what was important is that I don't have to get surgery, and I am very very happy about that!
One of two things will happen now. Either my levels will drop to their normal level, and then stabilize, which is great, or they will drop, drop, and keep dropping until basically my thyroid dies out on its own. Not ideal, but it's so easy to supplement thyroid hormone that it's not a big deal. Either way, we are a quite a few months out from being "normal" (to which my dad responded "well that's how you've always been right? two months out from normal?" still not funny dad) regardless of which direction my thyroid goes. I'll go get my blood drawn once a month, and we'll just monitor it and see what we need to do. Obviously I'd rather be healthy now, but I'm okay with temporary unhealthiness and no surgery haha.
I haven't blogged much since I found all this out at the end of December because, quite frankly, I just didn't feel like there was much to talk about. I feel like I've been so positive over the past few months, but the last couple weeks have been really rough. I'm real in what I write on the blog, but sometimes it's exhausting to even be honest with myself. I just needed to shut down for a little while and take care of myself. If I've learned one thing from all this, it's about how to take care of myself, and pay a little extra attention to me when I need it. but I'm back in action now, and feeling happier after our news yesterday.
And if that wasn't enough to cheer me up, just wait and see what we're doing this weekend.