I'm tired.

Now that so many of my friends have kids, I hear pretty often about how terrible it is when little Johnny stops taking naps. And I just think to myself, these kids have no idea how much they'll miss naps when they're older. If I could take over napping for them, I totally would.

I started my new job on Wednesday last week, and despite the fact that I have to get out of bed before nine (wayyyy before nine), I actually am enjoying it. It's very different from what I'm used to, being in the midst of chaos and crazy in the schools, but it's good in a different way. I do miss the kids and working with a lot of people, but the people I work with are very nice, and the work keeps me busy, which is important. I'm still getting the hang of things, but so far I feel like I'm doing a good job!

I'm still not quite used to leaving the house for nine hours a day, though. Even though some days were a little lonely and boring at home, I got used to being with the cats in a comfortable setting all day. I miss it! I was really grateful for the long weekend; it gave me the chance to hang out with Brandon and friends, and also catch up on sleep. I've been having a hard time getting used to my new schedule, since before this job I was up until about midnight every night. Last night I actually fell asleep on the couch around eight, but when I went upstairs to bed at 9:30, I was awake until just past midnight. 5:15 comes early every morning though, no matter what time I go to bed the night before.

The past week has been kind of rough. I'm dealing with some medical things (we can discuss that at a later date) on top of our loss, and honestly it just doesn't feel fair. I know there are worse things that could happen, but I just feel like the hard things never end. When we were in the hospital delivering Carter, my contractions came about every 45 seconds or so, and I didn't really have a chance to breathe. That's basically how I feel now; kind of like I'm drowning and can't seem to get my head above water. Getting this job was a huge relief, but I'd be stupid to think good things are going to keep happening. That sounds super pessimistic, but that's just how my life is right now. I'm quite proud of myself for how positive I've been throughout all of this. I believe that everything will work itself out, so I just have to keep plugging along and taking care of myself. Hard things happen, but like Brandon keeps telling me, we're all stronger than we think we are.