By the time you read this, the donation will have already been completed, and the CuddleCot will be in the hands of Logan Regional Hospital. I wanted to take just a minute and talk about how I'm feeling right now, before the donation happens.
I have a lot of feelings.
To start, it breaks my heart that we even have a reason for wanting to do this. Last night, we were gathering a few things to take with us, including the drawing of Carter a kind stranger sent to us in January. Looking at our sweet boy's face makes me happy (because let's face it, he's the cutest) but it also makes me miss him so much. It's not fair that we don't get to see that face every single day. But if something good is going to come from our experience, then I am grateful that we are able to help other future loss families. Our time with Carter was far too short, and hopefully this donation will allow other families a little more time.
But I'm also really sad that we know there will be more families like ours. I've said this before, but when we were in the hospital delivering Carter, we felt like we were the only ones who had ever lost a baby that far along. We were grateful for the woman who reached out to us the next day, to let us know we weren't alone, and have tried to give the same courtesy to the families of the babies buried near Carter. In Carter's first year, there have been seven babies buried near him. We have tried to be there for these parents, but somehow, donating the CuddleCot to the hospital where they (likely) delivered, seems like we are doing a bit more. I only wish we could go back in time and donate it before any of those families lost their babies. I want to give more time to all the parents.
On Monday, I posted something on Instagram asking parents to leave their babies names and birth dates so we could write them down and have them with us while we donate the CuddleCot. The list is sitting beside me as I type this, and I am really grateful that so many parents were willing to share their babies with us. Having their names written down won't really do anything, but I wanted parents to know that their babies are being thought of. I want them to know that, as we donate this cot that will allow other families more time, we recognize the time that was taken from them. I might leave the list with the hospital, and I might take it home, I haven't decided yet. Mostly, I want these families to know that, even if no one else says their baby's name, they are thought of, and they will be with us on this special day.
I should probably apologize in advance for all the crying I will do today. We're planning to film as much of it as possible, and I guarantee I will be crying the whole time. This is such a special, precious thing to us, and I am grateful for all of you who have made it happen. Thank you.