I wrote a recap of our year yesterday, but now that we are officially into 2018, I wanted to look back on some specific things.
My favorite moments of 2017:
- Finding out we were pregnant again after Carter. I will never forget that morning.
- Learning we were pregnant a third time.
- Not one, but four trips to Disney.
- Meeting our nephews.
- Being completely in awe of the windmills in Amsterdam.
- Driving through the hills of Luxembourg to see castles. While listening to the Beauty and the Beast soundtrack.
- Starting our vlog. Brandon and I make ourselves laugh so much.
- Raising enough money for a CuddleCot in one week.
- Surprising our friends with the second CuddleCot.
The hard but beautiful moments:
- The day of my d&c with little bean. Our doctor was so sweet, told me she was beautiful, and promised to give her a blanket we took for her.
- Him calling me days later to make sure the hospital had contacted us about her remains, because he and the staff had to make a lot of calls to stop her remains from being disposed of.
- Sophie laying her head on my stomach while I was miscarrying.
- Ordering a grave marker for little bean.
- Every hard moment that only seems to bring Brandon and me closer together.
- Hanging two stockings for our babies, knowing they would remain empty.
- Being able to share our babies with so many people. I love our little family.
Through all these moments, there have been so many lessons I've learned. So many lessons I wish I didn't have to learn, but they are all important.
- Family is the most important thing. Our marriage and love for our children is THE most important thing in the whole world.
- Family isn't always made of those that are related to you.
- I can do hard things, but I don't have to. For the first six months after we lost Carter, I forced myself to do hard things that I didn't want to do. Now I'm at the point where I don't feel the need to push myself as hard. It's not easy, because the guilt of my grief is all-consuming, but I'm working on it.
- Everyone underestimates themselves.
- It is important to know your limits, and to have the strength to take yourself out of the game when things become too much.
Some of those lessons might seem blunt, but hard times in life teach you things very quickly. 2017 was full of so many little moments and big lessons, and I know 2018 will be the same. But these things are all apart of who I am now. So bring it on 2018. Here's to hoping for a good year.