Hi Little Bean: May 3, 2017

This post is from the day we did our blood draw to do genetic testing, and in turn, find out the gender. It was probably one of the happiest days I'd had since we found out we were pregnant again.

May 3, 2017

Little baby H,

I guess I can call you that now, because regardless of your gender, you are going to be baby H! That’s so crazy!! I’ll have to tell your daddy as soon as he stops being so busy with work this morning.

This past week has been fairly uneventful with you. I’m starting to feel actually pregnant already, which is a big change compared to last time. I know they say you get bigger with each pregnancy, but I did not expect to feel this big already! But I don’t remember when I started to not be able to do up my pants last year haha. I still can do them up now, but they are getting uncomfortable. I would guess just a couple more weeks and we’ll be using a hair tie. It’s starting to get warm outside anyway, so forget pants and bring on the skirts! I haven’t been quite as nauseous this week as I have in the past, but there have just been a couple times. A little bit Monday morning and a little bit last night, but that was my own fault, the popcorn was so good! No major cravings, but I only want to eat sweet things. When I start eating vegetables, I actually start feeling sick for the first few bites until I get used to it. I just think that the bland food doesn’t make my stomach quite as happy as other things do.

Sleep is still not going too well. I don’t ever feel like I need a nap in the afternoon, and I can fall asleep super quickly at night, but once I wake up to go to the bathroom around two or three, I’m just off and on until the alarm goes off. Hopefully as we get further into the second trimester, my bladder will slow down a bit and let me sleep through the night for once.

Speaking of that….SECOND TRIMESTER!!! Today puts me at thirteen weeks, which means we are about into the second trimester, and my fear of losing you can decrease a little. It won’t go away entirely, but it might get better. I try and tell myself that we lost Carter due to a cord accident at the very very end, so the chances of anything happening to you are very slim, but I still worry. I’m your mom, it’s what I’m supposed to do. You’ll thank me for it someday.

One conversation I’ve been having with your dad a lot this last week is about what kind of parent I’m supposed to be. And I don’t mean like how I will raise you, but I’ve been wondering a lot if I’m just meant to be a mom to angel babies. I hope with all my heart we don’t lose you too, but what if we do? I don’t know that I could just stop trying to have my own kids, because we know that I can carry a baby full term, but how many could I lose before giving up? Infinity, I think. And I mean that sincerely. I would keep trying and trying until I couldn’t try anymore because I want nothing more to be a mom. But it sure would suck to be a mom to four and not have any little feet running around.

Keep me hopeful, little bean. You and your siblings kept me alive after we lost Carter, and I know they are all up there looking out for me and your dad right now. So you just be safe in there. Grow like you know how, and I’ll keep eating these stupid vegetables just for you. Love you!

How far along? : THIRTEEN WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Baby is the size of: a lemon!
Total weight gain/loss: Not sure, but I don’t like pants anymore haha.
Sleep: I sleep really well from about ten to two, and from two until five I don’t sleep well at all. I’m tired until about lunch time, but don’t feel the need for a nap in the afternoon, which is nice. I just want to feel rested! Come on second trimester!
Best moment this week: I’m really look forward to the blood draw this afternoon. Seven to fourteen days until we know whether you are a boy or girl!!
Movement: I don’t think so.
Symptoms: BLOATED.
Food cravings: Not vegetables
Food aversions: Tomato sauce still, and anything that has kind of a strong, instant smell. Like the fridge. Also, vegetables don’t make me happy, but I eat them anyway!
What I miss: Being naive and not angry, and Carter.
What I am looking forward to: SEVEN TO FOURTEEN DAYS!!!!