Balance in all things.


The title of this post is so completely opposite about my life, and I think it's hilarious. There is no balance to our lives anymore. Everything is the complete opposite of the way it's supposed to be. We spend weekends in a cemetery instead of the nursery. We spend nights sleeping hard instead of waking up to feed and change a baby. We watch a ton of Netflix when we should be watching our sweet boy explore the world. Sure, there are some beautiful things that have come from losing multiple babies, but for the most part, our world is in a constant state of imbalance and chaos. Nothing is the way it should be.

After our miscarriage I told myself that I could have two weeks to grieve hard, eat whatever I wanted, and not work out. Monday of the third week rolled around, and right after my counseling session I called Brandon, told him there had been a change of plans, and asked if he'd stop for Ben & Jerry's on his way home. Thus began a third week of heavy grieving. Last week, the same thing happened. We did the same thing on Monday this week, but then I stepped on the scale yesterday and something needs to change haha. All I know is that if Ben & Jerry's were about to go out of business a month ago, they are safe now, because Brandon and I alone are keeping them afloat.

But I found out last week on Monday that I actually like carrots now. After weeks of struggling to eat them when I was pregnant with little bean (literally, they would make me gag. I'm like five, it's fine) I actually wanted to eat them! And now I've had carrots THREE DAYS IN A ROW! I mean, I've also had Ben & Jerry's three days in a row, but still. Balance in all things, right? 

I've been trying really hard lately to do everything in balance. I take days off when I need to, I eat kind of whatever I feel like I need in that moment, and we plan our activities based on how we feel that day. I've always been the kind of person that plans things as much as I can, but since we lost Carter, I've gotten really good at flying by the seat of my pants. So much that it actually stresses me out to have to plan or commit to anything more than ten minutes in advance. It has been really nice to learn how to balance the have-to's with the want-to's, and I feel like it has been extremely beneficial in recovering. I've learned that it is important to care for yourself, because that will allow you to better care for those around you. Some nights we sit on the couch with a pint of ice cream and don't move, and other times we borrow the neighbors puppy and take her for a nice long walk/jog. It just depends on what I feel I need that day. The more we can keep our lives balanced, the more balance we feel internally.

That being said, what are some things you do to make time and care for yourself? I love a good movie or a nice long bath, but I'm always looking for new ways to unwind! Have a nice, balanced hump-day!