March 13, 2017
Oh little bean, I love you so much. The past five days of knowing you are here have been so wonderful. A little confusing sometimes, because I’m still grieving the loss of your brother, but wow do I love you. I am so lucky to be carrying you, and so blessed to be your momma. We’re getting impatient, waiting to get the first appointment date set, because we just can’t wait to see you, and make sure you are growing healthy in there! And we’re getting excited to tell people too! We saw dad’s side of the family over the weekend, but we both did so good and didn’t tell anyone!! We’re hoping to have an ultrasound next week, and then plan to tell everyone next weekend.
Little bean, I’m nervous about whether people will be excited or not. I know there will be a lot of nerves floating around after losing Carter, but I want people to treat this pregnancy, and you, as if we didn’t know any better. I don’t want people to forget him, but I don’t want losing him to tarnish their excitement for you. I’ve decided to write down a list of questions I anticipate getting that I don’t want to have to deal with. Does that make me a terrible person? There were just so many questions after we lost Carter that were hard to hear, and I don’t want to hear them during our whole pregnancy with you. I just want to go through this pregnancy as stress free as possible so I can be healthy for you, and I feel like laying some ground rules will be good. You take care of yourself in there, and I will do my part too. Love you bean!
March 15, 2017
Hi little bean. You are making me nervous today! I’ve had some cramping since last night, and even though I have read as much as I can and everything says it’s normal, I still can’t help but be nervous, you know? We just love you so much already, and we want you to be with us for as long as possible!
We finally got a date set for our first appointment! It is supposed to be on Wednesday next week, but after all this cramping, I called the nurse to see if we can come in today. She hasn’t called me back yet though, and I’m getting pretty impatient!
Little bean, get this. I was supposed to go have a small procedure done on the lower gum tissue in my mouth, but after they put the topical numbing cream on, the periodontist heard I was pregnant, and said he wanted to wait and do the procedure in the second trimester. So then I had to lie and tell everyone that he just said he wants to watch it and see what happens. I lied my face off that day haha. It will be so nice to tell everyone what happened for real, not so that I can feel better about lying, but just so they can know you existed.
I did get to tell your aunt Candis yesterday, though! We were trying to book a hot air balloon ride in Amsterdam, and I started to wonder if I should even go on a hot air balloon ride. So I started doing research, and most women said no, but then I read that the balloon company themselves won’t take pregnant women. I wasn’t sure what to do, because we weren’t quite ready to tell anyone, but I didn’t want Candis to book the ride and then feel bad later when they found out we couldn’t go, so your dad and I decided that it would be best to just tell her. So I had her call me, and bean, she was so excited! I think she was surprised too, especially because we just spent all day together on Saturday and I didn’t even come close to spilling the news. That day she asked me a lot of questions about how I am feeling about our loss, and it was really easy to focus on those answers, because I really am still feeling all the things I say I am. You are a little light in our lives right now, but man do I miss your brother.
I’m curious to find out if you are a boy or girl, because I feel like this pregnancy has been different than the last one already. More nausea, a little more back pain, and definitely more moodinesss. I also am ready to find out how far along we are. I would like to say 6 ½, but it’s hard to say. All the more reason why I’m ready for this dang doctor’s appointment! Hopefully they call me back soon so we can go in and get our first glimpse of you.
We love you little bean. You stay in there and be healthy and strong. We already love you so much and can’t wait to meet you!
How far along? : Six weeks, maybe? Hopefully we’ll find out soon.
Baby is the size of: a sweet pea!
Total weight gain/loss: No idea.
Sleep: Solid. All I want to do right now is sleep.
Best moment this week: Getting the call from the endocrinologist with the positive results of my blood work
Symptoms: Cramping, nausea, moodiness
Food cravings: Caramel, zupas (a little), and a random craving yesterday for cheddar and sour cream chips
Food aversions: Anything that has been left in a container for too long, even just residue from lunch
What I miss: Really pushing myself at the gym. I can’t believe it, but I miss working out.
What I am looking forward to: having a first appointment!