Carter's special drawing.

I think it's weird to say that I am so pleased with how Carter's headstone turned out, but I really really am. I didn't want to just post the picture and let you all see it on Facebook and Instagram, because I wanted to show/explain to you why it is so special. A few months ago, I posted this picture that Brandon had drawn for the nursery. I nagged and nagged and nagged, thinking how sweet it would be for each of our kids to have had something drawn specifically for them by their dad, and finally, he gave in. This was the result:


Isn't it so good?? It incorporated the airplanes on the crib sheet and the art that we had hung above the crib, and I was in love with it. Fast forward to the past five weeks. We had to decide what we wanted to do for a headstone, and all I knew I wanted was to see if they could put Brandon's drawing on the headstone. There just really are no words to convey my happiness with it. You guys, it's perfect.


I never thought it was possible to feel so much joy when looking at a headstone, but knowing that Carter has his dad's drawing with him all the time now just makes my heart feel so full. It's hard to have this whole room full of his stuff and know that he doesn't really have anything of his with him (with the exception of a blanket Brandon's mom made), it just gives me a lot of peace to be able to leave something so full of love permanently. 

Over the weekend, Brandon and I took a little Christmas tree to the grave site and decorated it while we talked to Carter. It was nice to share the time with him, and include him in our holiday festivities while starting a new tradition. I met my friends for lunch that day and asked them if they would want to take some ornaments up when I took them to see Carter; I had to buy another tree because they kept finding ornaments! That same afternoon, Brandon bought a couple solar lights to install at the grave. We went back that night before we left town, and I was so thankful for the solar lights. Carter is always our first stop when we get to Logan, and lately it has been dark when we get there, so it is nice to have the lights and be able to see a bit better.

I feel like this post is a little jumbled, but I've learned over the past six weeks that sometimes words can't show emotions as well as we'd like them to, which is ironic, coming from a writer. My heart just is so full. I don't even know how to end this post, so I'm just going to leave it at that. My heart is full, and I'm so grateful for the tremendous amount of love I have and have felt  through this whole thing.